aku sedihhhhh~~~

woahh!!

tengok tajuk entri aku..

jiwang....kan?

tapi x mengapa..

ini hari aku mau jiwang setelah sedih bercampur geram dengan Celcom tuh!

uh!

semalam appoinment aku dengan dr..biasela...thats my life's routine!!

tapi appoinment tersebut adalah 4 bulan setelah aku termiss appoinment yang sebelomnye....

uhhh..kene marah dengan encik doktor lagi..sebab macammane aku boleh termiss appoinment....

doktor:: da buat biopsi belom?

aku:: belom..bulan 12 ni katenye...ntah la ....katenye berdasarkan ultrasound hari tu, tengok bentuk kidney saye, katenye ok je,,xde masalah...lagipon, kaki da tak bengkak2....

doktor:: ummm......(sambil check dokumen aku..)

doktor:: 4 bulan???4 bulan awak x datang sini??patutla lame tak nampak......ubat macamane?

aku:: err....saye makan yang dulu2..time saye lupe nak makan....

doktor:: macammane laaa awak boleh termiss appoinment ni......

aku::.............................( senyap je sebab aku tau doktor ni garang)

doktor::bak tangan..nak check tekanan darah..

aku::( hulur ajeee..nanti kang kene marah pulakkkk)...............err..doktor....Hb ( jumlah hemoglobin dalam darah per 1ml rasenye) saye ari ni berape?

doktor::9.1

aku:: ouh...( naseb baek ok...ok la bagi orang yang darah kurang macam aku niiii.....normal punye kalo laki 13-14, pompuan pulak 11-13-rasenyelaa....)

aku:: er....doktor...kulit saya rasenye makin truk ni..merah2..macam melecur gamaknye....

doktor::mane?( setelah beliau type something kat komputer- tulisan tu sempat aku jeling.= missing appoinment.worsening skin condition)

ouh..ini raenye fungus..bahasa pasar, kurap.

aku:: hah??kurap???( dalam hati terkejut nak mamposs...adakah kurap jangkitan daripada kucing??aku suke kucing..tiidaakkkkk!!!! adakah sebab aku mandi 2 kali je sehari??- kalo malas sekali je??adakah.....?????)

meaning that??_aku tanya dalam omputeh sebab aku terkejut..xpe..doktor pandai...

doktor:: awak jangan la bimbang...kurap nii...fungus ni bukan bermakna awak tak mandi...kite semua ada benda ni....cuma immune awak yang tak stabil, making this situation worsen. tambah2 pulak awak on steroid..lagi la teruk...bende ni kalo awak pegi kat kampung pedalaman, orang asli ada banyak bende ni..kat kaki dorang..kat paha, lengan...sebab dorang x pandai jage kebersihan dorang..( doktor ni macam paham2 jeee..)

aku::: ( speechless.....da rase sebak sket dah...tengah tahan air mata, xnak bagi keluar depan dktor..malu beb!!)

....( sambung)...pastu doktor, my joints are becoming more painful..semalam paling teruk..sampai tak boleh gerak...
( aku jeling lagi kat skrin computer.die tulis:: major joints pain)

doktor:: small joints macammane?( small joints tu sendi2 kat jari jemari..jari tangan, jari kaki)

aku::err...kalo pagi, bangun tidur, small joints bengkak2 je...(aku jeling lagi- small joints stuffness)

urm....doktor..memangla kaki saye tak bengkak..tapi urine saye makin berbuih rasenye..( aku jeling lagi- doktor taip- complaint #%#$% urine- xpaham istilah medik.tapi maksudnye, urine yang berbuih la tu kot...)

 aku:: doktor, dialisis tu macammane?

doktor geleng kepale..pastu cakap, awak tak sampai tahap tu lagi...

die macam xnak aku tanye camtu ..his expression was like something i cant explain myself...

aku:: takk....bukan...saye saje tanye,,one of my friends pon SLE jugak.....(time tuh teringat dekat adek deno)

dialisis tu hilang dua2 buah pinggang ke?

doktor:: em...(angguk2 kpale)...sape?

aku:: kawan..knal ikut blog

after abeh check sume, aku mintak diri nak balik..pastu....

doktor:: eehhhhhh..kejap....x abeh lagi nii...ade bende skit saye nak cakap...awak blaja kat tuuuuutttt tu amek course ape? English?

aku:: ( angguk kepale)

doktor::....oke.....here's the thing is...in your situation, according to the western, it so much depending on mecations...but in islam, it is depends on our emotion.( sambil tunjuk satu web yang aku snirik pon x tau...tajuk dye istilah medik..x paham..tapi ade perkataan psychoemot-pebende tah)...looking back, ur antibody was attacking your blood,then, your joints, then your skin, and now your kidney....even we, the doctors, do not know where and when will it stop..maybe 2, or three more years...or forever...we do not know...looking at your condition now, well, i can say that it is an active, positively attacking your body.. we do not know how to stop it...we still on research to look for the cure..( time tu aku da nak nangis..air mate aku da menitik daa...haduii.malu betoii..naseb baek doktor ni jenis yang pahamm...)...at some levels, u came healthier,we reduced the amount of steroid..at some stages u came paler, ill, and less blood..we increase the amount of medicine...we couldnt do anything else..we just can control the disease..but the thing is here, we do not want the situation to control you..we have to control the situation..to control the situation is not hard as it sounds..zikir ang quran will help a lot.. and also, you have to reflect back your self profile..maybe u'd done something that God didnt like.something He didnt satisfy with...so He punishes u this way..this situation is similar to lecturers....the moment u hand in ur assignments, and ur lecturer doesnt like ur assignments much, so he reduces ur mark...the concepts are just the same..he punishes u, so u will realize what had u done wrong...it is one of the ways He reminds u, so that He will not lose u....

aku:: emm.....( sambil lap air mate..sepanjang doktor tu cakap, aku nangisss je keje...haih~~)

doktor:: ok? are we clear? never let the situation to control u..u have to control the situation. reflect back ur self profile and maybe it will help u a lot... assalamualakum..

aku:: waalakumussalam..thanks doc...

ntah laa...bagi aku pulak, tuhan tak kan hukum..tuhan just sayang aku...takkan tuhan kejam sangat nak hukum hamba dye ..memang la..kengkadang tuhan balas cash..tapi tu untuk peringatan...aku? 

ntah..maybe tuhan tahu kowt, nanti masa2 depan, aku akan buat bende yang dye x suke, so, die xnak aku buat camtu, n dye nak aku ingat slalu pada die, die buat macam ni..ade baiknye jugakk.....kan?yuyue kan?

be strong girl, and u will get what u deserve...he knows everything..never upset upon him becoz he will give us the best we cant even imagine the sweetness....